PLAN AHEAD
In a triggered state, I used to draw a complete blank, when trying to recall any De-Escalation techniques.
Putting them down on paper and keeping that paper somewhere I knew it would always be was immensely helpful.
If I am going to go into a situation, where I know there is a chance that I might get triggered,
I create a tailored safety plan for that situation by picking out, in advance,
which safety cues and other de-escalation techniques I could use in that specific situation, if I do get triggered.
I make a list of these techniques on a small piece of paper and take that paper with me
(along with any necessary tools, like essential oils).
Then, if I do get triggered, I pull out that piece of paper and start using the techniques I wrote down.
I go down the list and pick out one technique to start with.
When I'm done with that one, I pick out another one, and so on, until my nervous system feels more regulated.
GENERAL PLAN
I take along a few Safety Cue tools with me wherever I go.
My go-to protocol for quickly calming the nervous system, in almost any situation is below.
Depending on how intense my triggered reaction is, I might do a few or all of the items listed.
- Change Location, if possible
- Visually Confirm there are no threats in my immediate environment, by looking all around me
In Front of Me
Behind Me
To the Left
To the Right
Above Me
Below/Beneath Me - Touch
(Havening - Hands, Arms, Face)
(Container - Shoulder/Arm Hug, Shoulder/Arm Squeezing, Armpit/Shoulder Hug, Torso Brushing, or Leg Patting/Squeezing - 10 Deep Breaths
(Deep breath in & elongated breath out through slightly pursed lips) - Smell
(Rose, Lavender, Peppermint, Eucalyptus, etc)
EVENTS
(This plan can also be used at work.)
If I am going to a social event (or work) or somewhere else,
I write down a safety plan and create an exit plan first.
My exit plan ensures that I have a way to get home if I need to leave early.
For instance, if I get triggered at an event (or work), I can...
- Change Location for a few minutes
- Step out into the hallway
- Go to the restroom
- Step outside
(sit on a bench, take a walk, or sit in my car) - Smell a calming essential oil (that I have already determined is safe for me)
- Do some tapping (thymus, karate chop hand point/s, or fingers)
- Visually confirm there are no threats in the environment by looking around me.
(In Front of me, Left Side, Right Side, Behind Me, Above, Below) - Do some havening (my favorite is brushing my hands down the outside of my arms - shoulders to elbows)
- Take 10-20 deep breaths
- Make a phone call to a grounded, calming person
- Choose to leave and go home.
CAR / ROAD TRIPS
For some strange reason, it is super common for people get triggered in automobiles.
This is, of course, a horrible place for a trigger to happen,
because it is such a small enclosed space with little opportunity to change location.
With some advance planning, I can reduce the chances of triggers happening in the car
and more effectively deal with triggers that do happen.
If I am running errands with someone, we can pick out some safe spots in the city in advance and agree to stop at one of them,
if one of us gets triggered. (e.g. park, bookstore, library, department store, thrift store)
If I am going on a road trip with others, I can try to get everyone to agree in advance
to pull over for 10 minutes if someone gets triggered.
Stopping for 10 minutes at a rest stop or gas station or a store parking lot can give the triggered person
a little time and space to de-escalate.
I keep some Safety Cue Tools in my car at all times and take some with me whenever I go on a trip (by car or plane).
THINGS I BRING
- Essential Oils (that I have already determined are safe for me)
(Lavender and Peppermint are my faves.) - Peppermint Tea Bags
(very calming to smell and a handy liquid-free option) - Rosewater in a Spray Bottle
I mist my face with it, and it instantly calms me down. - Music/Songs made for Children
(They contain vocal prosody.) - Music, a Podcast, or Audio Books that everyone will enjoy
(helps to avoid contentious conversations, and music provides rhythm, which is grounding) - Music, Podcasts, and Audio Books that I Like
I have some on my phone that I can listen to privately or share with others. I also have CDs in my car. - Headphones/Earbuds
(in case I am riding with people, who do not share my taste in music, podcasts or audio books) - Snacks
Keeping everyone's blood sugar even helps avoid fights & arguments.
THINGS I DO IF I CAN CHANGE LOCATION
If I or someone else gets triggered, and I can change location:
- I stop at the nearest rest stop, gas station or store parking lot and get out of the car for a few minutes
- Burn off some Adrenaline by taking a brisk walk or doing some jumping jacks
- Look All Around & Visually Confirm that there are No Real Threats in my environment
- Smell an Essential Oil (that I know is safe for me) and/or Spritz my face with Rosewater
- Do Havening Touch (hands, arms, face)
- Take 10 Deep Breaths (in count of 3, out count of 6 through slightly pursed lips)
- Do some Tapping
- Call a Neutral Person, who has a soothing voice and a grounding presence and can help me de-escalate
THINGS I DO IF I CANNOT CHANGE LOCATION
If I or someone else gets triggered, and I cannot change location, here are some things I can do.
- Change the Topic of the Conversation to a less contentious one (Look at that bird!)
- Look Outside at the Beautiful Scenery
- Listen (with headphones) to my Music, an Audio Book, a Podcast, or an inspirational Speaker
- Get some Safe Social Engagement by listening (with headphones) to a phone or zoom meeting, if one is happening
- Subtle Tapping (Hand, Fingers, or Thymus)
- Bilateral Shoulder/Arm Squeeze
- 10 Quiet Deep Breaths (elongating the out-breath)
- Smell a Peppermint Tea Bag