WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN TRIGGERED
Do Not Engage with Others
I have learned to refrain from speaking and acting when I am in a triggered state.
Anything I say is going to have a harsh edge to it.
Any actions I take while in a triggered state are likely to go wrong, have bad results, and create more problems.
There is no problem a triggered state can't make worse.
- I do not go shopping or run errands.
- I do not go to any appointments - I reschedule or cancel, if it is at all possible (to do so without penalty).
- I do not act on my feelings.
- I do not speak, including to inform, educate, defend/explain myself, try to set a boundary, or even ask clarifying questions.
Sometimes I strongly believe that I need to ask a clarifying question in order to understand the situation better or understand what the other person meant by what they said or did.
But it's not true.
I always manage to uncover and neutralize my past trauma without asking the other person involved to explain anything to me.
It is not about them or what they meant or their perception of what I said or did.
It is about the view that I took about what happened. What I perceived and what I made of it. What came up for me.
The urge to set and inform others of my boundaries typically vanishes, after I have neutralized the past trauma.
I set boundaries (healthy limits) internally around my own behavior, instead of trying to control what other people say or do. - I do not make phone calls.
- I do not send text messages.
- I do not send emails.
- I do not leave someone a note.
I learned to practice restraint of tongue, pen and (typing) fingers when triggered.
This is very difficult because, when triggered, we often feel an urgent need
to resolve a problem by speaking or taking swift action.
This is usually a bad idea. Although my intentions are good, the results will likely be bad,
making the situation worse, rather than better
After the past trauma is neutralized, I become aware of what my present needs really are,
and then I can take appropriate action to meet those needs.
The desire to speak or take swift action to resolve a problem tends to vanish,
once the past trauma is resolved.
Once the past trauma is neutralized, my nervous system switches
from survival mode back into Social Engagement (Safe and Social) mode.
Then I can interact safely with others.
Then I will be open to logic and reason and able to apply it to my current situation.
I will reconnect with my loving, caring feelings towards others and return to honoring promises,
agreements and contracts.
My digestive, immune and reproductive systems will come back online.
The only exception I make to the no-speak/no-act rule of thumb is reaching out
to a qualified person for help to de-escalate my triggered reaction and uncover and neutralize the past trauma.